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Do I have sign on my head that encourages unwelcome touching? I’m pretty sure I’m the last person on earth who does.
Note: See answer #4 if you’re not sure.
So on Friday night, there was not one but two of them. Let’s call them LR and TR. That’s Leg Rubba and The Reverend.
I think it’s in The Heat where Melissa says to Sandra: “that’s what happens when you feed strays.”
I went to the Ivy Windsor (again) because I forgot to pay my bill the previous night. I had a great time listening to one of my favourites play – Francesca. She is awesome. I made friendly conversation with the people at the table next to me. One of them was a guy called Dino. I left at closing time and started walking home. Dino was also walking and suggested a drink on the way. He got the drinks then as soon as we were seated on the lounge, transformed into the Leg Rubba. I tried the Death Stare. Then I looked for a shiny thing, then for potatoes anyone, but could find nothing to distract him. I’ve got to say he was tenacious.
I went to the bathroom and took the opportunity to have a 15 minute conversation with two, much more harmless blokes at the bar, mainly asking if they could see a sign on my head that said “please rub my leg.” They said no. Eventually I went back to the Leg Rubba and sat opposite him where my leg was out of reach. Why did I go back, you ask? Remember my Mum? Free stuff vs we don’t drink. I couldn’t waste. One of the harmless blokes came over and introduced himself as my electrician.
Thanks Nick. You’re a gem.
So the Leg Rubba left disappointed. Nick and I went to another bar and met some new people. One of them was dressed all in black, except for a tiny strip of white on the neck of his shirt that made him look like The Reverend, wearing a dog collar.
That bar closed and I started to walk home again. The sign must have returned to my head because The Reverend was getting very handsy on the corner of Chapel and High Street.
Then Pete The Greek magically appeared. I swear, this is his real name. All gold chains and swagger. A foot shorter than the Reverend, but a true knight in shining armour. He sensed my distress and plonked himself right in between me and the Reverend. And stayed there until The Reverend, also tenacious, gave up.
Maybe Pete is a local gangster. But if so he’s a nice one. It made me so happy I did my first street performance on Chapel St with Lou Weed and a guy called Josh. Mr Brightside has never sounded that good at 4am. And Nick the Electrician reappeared – turns out he’s a handy guitarist.
For the fourth time, at 4.30am, I started to walk home, then Simon from Piano on Chapel appeared. “Come on Tina, let’s go to a bar,” he shouted.
For once I said no.
