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You know how you feel when the last episode of your favourite show is about to air. And after that it’s over. In this case it’s called PHD (Post Harris Depression). That is why I’ve been putting off writing the last episode of RWTH3.
But I’ve sprayed myself with the can of harden up. I can do this.
We will pick it up post-frisbee. Sherry decided that in case this might be the only time they ever come to Australia (it is really, really far, after all) we should try to do everything. By that she meant go on another train called the Ghan as well as the Indian Pacific.
This required us to get to Darwin, so we could catch the Ghan – a train that goes from Darwin, at the top of Australia, to Adelaide which is at the bottom (and also the middle -see below).
Here is a map with all our travels so you can see where we went.
We headed to Brisbane, also known as Brissie or Bris-Vegas, for a few days to relax. Then we flew to Darwin and stayed in another scenic Airbnb with another ridiculous entry process. I forgot to take a photo but there were at least 20 lockboxes on the wall and they all said 1B.
The fun began on the platform as usual. Champagne at 7am. It felt like home.
The Ghan is the same train as the Indian Pacific but things are a little different. For a start, people are unsure how to pronounce it. Some say Garn, like they are posh. But it is The Gan. As in Afghan. There are a surprising number of camels in central Australia.
Also there was no Jimmy the Guitarist. There was only Tina.
It seemed churlish not to give the people what they wanted, so on Day 1 at 5pm, I was giving a concert in the singles carriage. There was quite a crowd, helping me out with my practice for my next gig. And we were all having fun, doing karaoke to Abba until the Shusher came out and told us to pipe down. There is always one.
I mean had the Shusher met Susan’s cousin Denise? Denise did not shut up for the first 48 hours. But more on that soon.
It is always very hot in central Australia. We got off the train in Katherine for our first excursion. It was very beautiful. And very, very hot.
The rest of the time on the train was spent drinking and meeting people. We all made some great new friends. We even met a lady from Ririe in Idaho which is where Bob is from.
But Bob made another special friend. I know you have all been patient. You have waited for three and a half episodes to find out why this series is called Retirement with the Harrises Series 3 Down Under (The Covers).
Drum roll… So the previously mentioned cousins, Susan and Denise were staying in the singles carriage with me. Denise was very loud. Susan seemed nice. Very nice. Well, she was very nice to Bob anyway.
We all know Bob gets up at the sparrow’s fart. Most of us sleep in till a normal time like 9am. On the rest of the trip he could go for walks on the beach or entertain my friend’s daughter who also liked to get up at 5am. On a train this was harder. So Bob would go to the lounge car and take photos of the sunrise. Which we loved. Until Susan started on about her dates with Bob to film the sunrise. The fact that she was recounting the story to me and Sherry, his wife, didn’t set off any alarm bells with her at all.
Harmless you say. Sure. Until she gives us the blow by blow account about how to get the best photos by closing the train curtains and putting your head between the window and the curtains.
Her description: “We got under the covers didn’t we Bob?”
I think Sherry and I spat out all of our champagne that we were drinking for breakfast, we were laughing so hard.
Susan didn’t notice a thing. Bob died of embarrassment. And Down Under (The Covers) was born. Thanks Susan, for continuing the theme.
Just after this, I returned to my cabin to do another concert – I refused to be shushed. I was sitting on my bed with my back to the window, playing my guitar and singing for my neighbours when the train stopped suddenly. I turned and looked out the window and saw staff members in high vis running down the dirt track alongside the train.
For hours we were stationary and heard nothing. Then we got the news. A truck had run into the side of the train. No one was hurt but it was a close call. You can read Sherry’s story about this here:
Once we all realised no one had died we started to fear for our lives. Cousin Denise was very antsy for a smoke. Being trapped on a train for an extra 4 hours sent her over the edge. I think she drank the bar dry.
The crash happened just before we were scheduled to arrive in Alice Springs, where we had day-long excursions planned. These had to be cancelled.
The staff on the Ghan were incredible through every step of what could have been a disaster. Eventually buses came and picked us up. We went on a hastily organised trip to Simpsons Gap.
Side note, Cousin Denise got off the train in Alice Springs and never reboarded. Such a shame.
We had dinner under the stars at a venue that the team organised at the last minute.
The next day we went on our planned excursions. By the time we got back to the train, the amazing staff had pulled another rabbit out of a hat and organised a formal, three course dinner for the whole trainload of people at a local venue.
I guess they also restocked the bar and the pantry. None of us starved or died of thirst.
I can only apologise to the rest of the guests. I used to work for the Transport Department in Sydney. We were in charge of the road and public transport network, keeping it running. I mainly used to drive to work. On the very odd occasion I would catch the train, there was always, without fail, a serious incident. To the point where my team asked me to stop catching the train.
So this train crash probably was my fault. But at least you all got free food, accommodation and drinks for an extra 24 hours. And we got rid of Denise. You’re welcome.
After this, we went home to Thirroul, pronounced Frool. Sherry and Bob watched me perform with my band called the Hip Replaysments, which was very cool.
Then Sherry and Bob went home to the USA. It was very sad but this last episode was the end of the best series ever.
Last Episode: Epilogue
Series 4 has been commissioned, destination TBC. Thank God because PHD is the worst.
THE END
