120% Aussie as... - Festival of Tina

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The Festival of Tina is all about collecting memories. But finding the right words to describe these experiences is what makes it fun for me. Apparently I now have so many ‘sayings’ that I have to write a book. I think I will call it Tina’s Lingo.

I started writing this post on the plane home to Australia from Hawaii, after nearly eight weeks on the road. And in the air. And on a boat.

I’ve told you about most of it, except the last three weeks. I was too busy to write as I’ve been part of a Reality TV show called Retirement With The Harris’s. And you know I love an acronym so that’s RWTHs for short. We’ve been on location in Colorado. We are still waiting for a contract from a TV Network but I’m sure it’s coming.

Bob, Sherry and Tina in Season One of RWTHs, in Georgetown Colorado.

Just in case the contract doesn’t come, there will be several chapters of Tina’s Lingo devoted to the sayings we have developed. Here is just a taste of what we came up with over three weeks in Colorado.

We started out in Denver, attending another Ultimate Frisbee Tournament – this time it was the US Open. It was really, really hot. We had plenty of trips in the car, to and from the fields. The temperature in the car afterwards was always 1000 degrees. I can’t recall the exact number of times we said: “Start the car Bob,” but I would estimate 157,000 times.

My son Jono and his mate Lucien were staying in an Airbnb with 17 people from the team. Hard to believe they were so keen to come over to our place for a shower and food.

Bob likes to dictate his text messages while walking along, instead of typing them. (Does this ever work out?)

After one late game that Sherry didn’t attend, he speaks to Siri: Jono and Lucien are coming over for a shower.

We get home to find Sherry has cleaned the entire house in readiness for two girls from the team that we were bringing home. She looks at Jono and Lucien and asks: “Where are Janet and Lucy?”

After the frisbee (they came fourth, by the way – a huge effort) we went to the Rocky Mountains. I had a few days of solo sit-swimming in the Glenwood Hot Springs then we met up again in Avon, which is near Vail.

The main obsession in the next episode of Retirement with the Harris’s was elevation. How high are we? Then we would look it up, then we would all have to convert it to metres and feet. Then it was “how hot is it?” and the same discussion with Siri about Celsius and Fahrenheit. It was laborious, which it turns out is just like breathing at 14,000 feet or 4267 metres. Very difficult. For reference, Thirroul, Australia is a massive 60 feet above sea level. Oh, let me look it up… that’s 18m.

We had to amend the usual measure of everything in Australia, from 110% to 120%. This includes both an altitude tax and a tip, both of which are constant here.

I’m pleased to say that my newest friend, Marlee from Idaho, invented this new number. You might remember Marlee. I met her in a bar in Honolulu earlier this year where we discussed running like you are on fire.

We went hiking at 14,000 feet. That smile of mine must be fake.

Marlee came and joined in RWTHs for a few days. She is making real progress as an Aussie and now says stuff like Carn Straya. (Click here if you don’t know what this means) Her 120% contribution was gratefully received. Side note, we went to Aspen one day which was lovely, but 120% of people there have had plastic surgery and parade around in active wear at all times.

Clarks Oyster Bar in Aspen. Where active wear is always an option

I also tried oysters for the very first (and last) time. I didn’t die but I did complain a lot. Apparently being made to eat oysters is a first world problem, with a response of: “It shucks to be you!”

People pay money for this? It does shuck to be me.

After Marlee’s departure we were back to a three-person crew. We went on a few more road trips. The Rocky Mountains are very, very scenic. One of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. Well, at least what I could see from the car looked great, as we sped past 157,000 ‘Point of Interest’ signs.

Eventually we worked out that if we said we needed a restroom, Bob would very graciously stop. So a restroom is code for a Point of Interest, just so you know. Shhh. Don’t tell.

In summary, this leg of the FOT was quite good. Or as Aussies like to say, not bad. Would I do it again? Well, I can’t rule anything in or out. Now I’m home I know I should unpack but if I just do nothing and lie down on the lounge, the feelings will pass.

So all in all, the trip seemed like a good idea at the time, really. I mean it, 120%. And if you’re really stuck, remember answer #4. You can’t go wrong, whatever hemisphere you are in.