Call the Fun Police

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Sometimes cruises, parties, nightclubs and just life in general need a bit of help to Be More Fun. Or to Be Less Shit. That’s where we come in.

We’ve recently realised that we have a unique skill. The dance floor can be deserted. The band or DJs are crying in a dark corner as they survey the apocolyptic space that looks like a nuclear fallout zone. Not even zombies will brave it. And then we arrive. The Fun Police.

It started on the cruise with DJ-RG. He was a lovely young man. Truly. But his ability to clear the dance floor with poor song choices was second to none. Even Jane and Tina, the most hardcore dancers of all, lost the will to live. Jane soon came up with an idea. She would write out, by hand, every day for 11 days, a list of 50 songs that RG should play in the nightclub. Tina’s job was to channel all the games of “Remember this song” that had been played on the trips with Renée and Karen, and come up with bangers for the playlist.

The result was revolutionary. Every night, the dance floor stayed packed until it was time to get a burger at 3am.

It wasn’t just at night time. The Fun Police also did shifts at the pool bar with the Infinity Band.

Fast forward to Australia Day in Canberra this year. Flight 2026, which was a drone light show at Lake Burley Griffin, was fantastic. The band, The Amosa Family, was even better. And yet, no matter how good they were, the punters just sat on their arses. Well they did until the TWATs hit the dance floor. Then it was on.

The Amosa Family – one of the best bands I’ve seen lately. And as you know I see alot of bands. FYI, TBI also stands for Tina’s Band Investigations.

We had also been looking forward to Lunar New Year for quite some time, mainly because it was about to be the Year of the Fire Horse. See back to last week’s post about our theme song for 2026.

Anyway, we decided to celebrate Lunar New Year in Dickson, Canberra. There were great performances from dance groups and singers, building up to the finale – the Lion Dance.

Once the formal performance had ended it was DJ time and I thought for a moment that DJ-RG had teleported to Australia. The pattern soon became obvious. One great song, followed by another that no one had ever heard of. Rinse and repeat. Completely empty dance floor.

We had to work hard to get those people watching from a distance, onto the dance floor.

By the time the Fun Police took to the dance floor, we were completely alone, watched from afar by a crowd of 500 people, all swaying to the beat, but never venturing to the front. It took a solid 15 minutes of cajoling, but eventually we had break dancers, women older than us doing the splits and general chaos. The Fun Police had succeeded.

Note: We have decided to send the ACT Government a bill for our work, which was truly inspired. Look out because next time people will be issued with an ESS. A citation for Excessive Standing Still.